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Micro Decisions and the Hidden Power of Small Choices
A micro decision is any small decision made during the day. It can be what time to wake up, whether to drink water first, whether to pause before reacting, whether to write one sentence, or whether to put on running shoes. These choices look minor, but they are the steps between point A and point B. Willpower is weakest when life gets loud.
The goal is not to perfect every moment. The goal is to use small choices on purpose, so they start shaping the person you are becoming.
mrebekahshurtleff
Aug 284 min read


Growing While Healing Why Both Matter
Give credit for the effort it takes to notice, pause, feel, repair, learn, and begin again. Give credit for the quiet choices no one else sees. Give credit for staying with the process, even when it feels slow.
Healing helps a person become whole enough to move with more peace. Growth helps that person create a life that fits who they are becoming. Together, they form a brave and honest path forward, one step, one boundary, one small win at a time.
mrebekahshurtleff
Aug 75 min read


Five Mindfulness Techniques to Manage Stress and Overcome Racing Thoughts
Stress and racing thoughts can feel like a constant storm in your mind, making it hard to focus or find peace. When your thoughts spiral, it’s easy to get caught in a loop of worry and anxiety. Mindfulness is about noticing your thoughts without getting pulled into them. When stress hits, pause and watch your thoughts like clouds passing in the sky. This simple act of observation helps you stop rumination, the habit of replaying negative thoughts. Read more....
mrebekahshurtleff
Jun 253 min read


Rebuilding Trust in Relationships Through the Lens of Polyvagal Theory, Part II
Trust is the foundation of any close relationship, yet it can be fragile and easily shaken by betrayal or trauma. When trust breaks down, couples often find themselves stuck in patterns of fear, avoidance, or conflict. Understanding how the nervous system influences trust and connection offers a new way to approach healing. Polyvagal Theory reveals how our bodies constantly scan for safety or threat, shaping how we respond to others. This post explores how betrayal affects th
mrebekahshurtleff
Jun 143 min read


Rebuilding Trust: How Your Nervous System Shapes Relationships and Healing Part 1
Trust is often seen as a choice or an emotion, but it is much deeper than that. It is a conclusion your nervous system reaches after gathering enough evidence that it is safe to trust again. This process happens beneath conscious thought, rooted in biology and psychology. Understanding how your nervous system evaluates safety and threat can change the way couples approach betrayal, trauma, and healing in relationships. Rebuilding trust after trauma or betrayal is a gradual pr
mrebekahshurtleff
May 312 min read


Embracing Self-Forgiveness Understanding Growth Through Time and Experience by Accepting Your Past Self
One of the hardest steps in self-forgiveness is releasing guilt. Thoughts like "I should have known better" or "If only I had done things differently" trap us in the past. These moments were not punishers but teachers. They provided lessons that only life experience could reveal. Instead of dwelling on what you didn’t know, recognize that those experiences shaped your growth.
Accepting Your Past Self:
The person you were in the past acted with the knowledge and emotional tool
mrebekahshurtleff
Apr 122 min read


Raising Resilient Kids: Effective Strategies for Helping Children Tolerate Distress
Helping children tolerate distress is a vital part of parenting. Using positive descriptive acknowledgement, catching positive behaviors, and focusing on effort rather than just outcomes builds resilience. These parenting tips, combined with calm modeling and open communication, create a strong foundation for children to face life’s challenges confidently.
mrebekahshurtleff
Mar 23 min read


The Transformative Power of Self-Love in Nurturing Healthy Relationships
Self-love means appreciating yourself fully, including your strengths and weaknesses. It involves honest self-reflection and knowing what truly matters to you. When you consistently put others’ needs before your own, your well-being and relationships can suffer. Ignoring your emotional and mental health leads to feeling drained and overwhelmed.
mrebekahshurtleff
Feb 142 min read


Coping with the Winter Blues
Many people experience a drop in mood as the days grow shorter and colder. This feeling, often called the "winter blues," can make daily life harder and less enjoyable. For some, these mood changes are brief and mild, but for others, they can be more serious and affect how they think, feel, and behave. Understanding these changes and knowing how to manage them can make a big difference during the colder months. SAD affects the body’s natural rhythms and the balance of seroton
mrebekahshurtleff
Jan 32 min read


Why Celebrating Past Achievements is More Effective Than New Year Resolutions
Celebrating your achievements, no matter when they happen, builds confidence and motivation. Reflection helps you see how far you’ve come and what you’ve learned. This positive reinforcement encourages steady progress.
For example, if you learned a new skill in October or improved your mindset in July, take time to acknowledge those wins. These moments more than any January resolution.
Instead of feeling pressured to make drastic changes every January, embrace a mindset of on
mrebekahshurtleff
Dec 25, 20252 min read


Family Gatherings: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Experience
Family gatherings often stir up mixed feelings. Some look forward to reconnecting, while others feel uneasy or even want to avoid these events. When family dynamics are challenging or you feel out of place, skipping gatherings might seem like the easiest choice. Yet, avoiding these moments can increase anxiety and cause missed opportunities to build stronger bonds. Approaching family events with curiosity can shift your experience from stressful to meaningful. Read more....
mrebekahshurtleff
Nov 26, 20253 min read


Embracing the Power of Forgiveness: A Path to Healing This Holiday Season
Forgiveness does not mean forgetting or excusing hurtful actions. Instead, it means deciding to release the emotional weight that comes with past pain. Many families carry generational trauma—patterns of hurt and misunderstanding passed down through years. Recognizing these patterns is the first step toward breaking free from them. Forgiving family members can be difficult. It takes time, patience, and sometimes courage to face painful memories. gather. Choosing forgiveness
mrebekahshurtleff
Nov 20, 20253 min read


Navigating Family Stress During Holidays Tips for Joyful Gatherings
The holiday season often brings excitement and warmth, but it can also stir up stress and tension within families. When relatives gather, old conflicts and unresolved feelings sometimes resurface, making celebrations challenging. Understanding how to manage these mo ments can transform holiday gatherings into joyful experiences that strengthen family bonds. The holiday season offers a chance to deepen family connections, but the work does not end when the celebrations do.
mrebekahshurtleff
Nov 8, 20253 min read


Exploring EMDR Therapy Benefits for Veterans Battling PTSD
Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a major challenge for many veterans returning from military service. The emotional and psychological impact of traumatic experiences can be overwhelming, deeply affecting daily life and relationships. Thankfully, Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy has become a powerful tool for healing. This blog post discusses the benefits of EMDR therapy for veterans, the essential components, and how it can assist in recove

Rebekah Shurtleff
Nov 2, 20253 min read


Understanding Catastrophic Thinking and How to Break the Cycle of What Ifs
When your brain senses danger, it doesn't just wait for problems to arise; it starts imagining them. This habit of pondering "what if" scenarios comes from your nervous system's instinct to brace for the worst. While this protective mindset can sometimes help, it often leads to a cycle of anxiety that is hard to escape. Catastrophic thinking often arises from anxiety, past trauma, or a general sense of insecurity. Counseling has been shown to help clients break negative thoug
mrebekahshurtleff
Oct 26, 20253 min read


Understanding the Roots of Over-Apologizing and How to Break the Cycle
Understanding why you apologize too much is key to changing the habit and improving your social interactions. By recognizing the brain mechanisms involved, the effects of trauma, and learned behaviors, you can take meaningful steps towards change. Through self-awareness, challenging negative thinking, setting boundaries, and seeking support, you can foster healthier communication habits. Remember, you deserve to express yourself without constantly apologizing.
mrebekahshurtleff
Oct 19, 20254 min read


Is Venting with Friends Harmless or a Cycle of Negative Reinforcement?
Repeatedly recounting a distressing event can increase stress hormones like cortisol. Each retelling reinforces negative feelings, creating a habit that’s hard to break. Friends may offer empathy, but this can inadvertently keep us locked in a loop of despair instead of steering us toward solutions. It may feel good momentarily, it can also deepen anxiety and create a sense of helplessness. Breaking the cycle of negativity can be achieved by shifting the focus from venting to
mrebekahshurtleff
Oct 15, 20253 min read


Rewire Your Brain by Shifting from Struggles to Solutions with Simple Language Techniques
By using phrases like “I remember when I used to struggle with…” we can teach our brains to view these problems as part of our past instead of our present. This post will explore practical language techniques that tap into the brain's ability to adapt, known as neuroplasticity, and how they can foster a more positive mindset. Rewiring your brain requires consistent and deliberate practice. It's not an overnight transformation; it's a gradual process.
mrebekahshurtleff
Sep 30, 20254 min read


The Healing Power of Tears: Unveiling the Emotional, Physical, and Social Benefits of Crying
The healing power of tears is undeniable. From the physical benefits of eye health and detoxification to the emotional advantages of stress relief and mood enhancement, crying is a natural part of the human experience. Furthermore, the social benefits, such as bonding and communication, create deeper connections with others.
mrebekahshurtleff
Sep 13, 20253 min read


The Friendship Recession: Finding Meaningful Connections as We Age
While the friendship recession may seem overwhelming, it also presents a chance to reshape our social circles for the better.
By welcoming change, taking initiative, and nurturing meaningful relationships, we can navigate this new friendship landscape with a sense of purpose. Remember that friendship is a journey—it evolves, and every effort you make can lead to richer, more fulfilling connections.
mrebekahshurtleff
Aug 31, 20253 min read
Content by Rebekah Shurtleff Marriage and Family Therapist
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