Self-Love: Is Putting Yourself First Really Selfish?
- mrebekahshurtleff
- Feb 11
- 3 min read
In today’s fast-paced world, self-love often gets a bad rap. Many equate it with selfishness, thinking that prioritizing your own needs means you ignore the needs of those around you. This idea is a misunderstanding. Real self-love is not about elevating yourself above others; it’s about valuing who you are and attending to your own needs. When we practice healthy self-love, we actually become better at caring for and supporting others.
Understanding Self-Love
Self-love is about appreciating yourself—this includes recognizing both your strengths and your weaknesses. It’s a journey of self-reflection and understanding what truly matters to you. Finding this balance is essential. Consistently putting others’ needs before your own can harm both your well-being and your relationships.
When we ignore our emotional and mental well-being, we can feel drained. For example, studies show that people who regularly prioritize their own needs experience 30% less stress than those who don’t. Think of yourself as a car; without regular maintenance, it will break down. Neglecting your needs can lead to accepting harmful treatment from others, all in the name of keeping the peace. This is where self-love comes into play—it empowers you to say “no” when necessary, letting you prioritize your own well-being without feeling guilty.
The Benefits of Self-Love

Embracing self-love is not just about feeling good; it also contributes to a more fulfilling life. When you acknowledge your worth, you open the door to authentic happiness. A famous quote by Robert Morley reminds us, “To fall in love with yourself is the first secret to happiness.” Taking care of yourself allows you to cultivate deeper relationships with others. For example, research shows that people with strong self-love often report 25% more satisfaction in their relationships.
Practicing self-love also requires a mindset change. While self-sacrifice may feel comfortable, breaking away from that habit leads to a more rewarding existence. Wholeness allows you to love others unconditionally, without needing their approval or validation.
Finding the Balance
So, how do you find this balance? Recognize that self-love is often labeled selfish only when it results in harming others. You can prioritize yourself while still caring for those around you. This means setting aside dedicated time for self-care—be it enjoying in a hobby, practicing mindfulness, or seeking therapy. A survey found that 60% of people who sought counseling reported a significant increase in self-worth and understanding of their personal needs. If you need counseling support contact me for 5 easy tips of how to find your self-love language at rebekahcounseling.com.
As you embark on your self-love journey, remember to embrace not just the parts of yourself you like, but also the aspects you may find challenging. Each part contributes to the beautiful whole that is you. When you accept and love every facet of yourself, you become more compassionate. This enhances your ability to love and be loved in return.
Embracing Self-Love
Self-love is far from selfish; it is a vital component of emotional well-being. By balancing self-love with caring for others, you pave the way for greater happiness—for yourself and those around you. It’s about honoring your own needs while nurturing your relationships. So, embrace self-love without hesitation. After all, the world deserves the best version of you.
Self-Love: Is Putting Yourself First Really Selfish? by Rebekah Shurtleff, M.A., Registered Associate Marriage and Family Therapist and Registered Professional Clinical Counselor at rebekahcounseling.com
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